Morning by morning.Monday, February 11, 2013
I am tired.
Now, this is not unusual, seeing as I have a 4-month baby girl, who still feels that she needs to get up multiple times during the night to eat. But today, I decided to wake up earlier than usual, with Max, who was leaving for work. I
used to be am a morning girl - I used to get up early every day with my husband. But having a wee baby again changes things, and for the last few months, I have been sleeping until the two older kids wake up for the day.
In the last few weeks, I have been noticing how easily overwhelmed, frustrated, and discouraged I would get. Now, I know that I have three little ones, who demand much of me, but I also realized that part of it was also due to not having enough "mama-alone" time. That alone time can be hard for me to find. Often the only time during my day where it is just me, is naptime, if I am lucky - and most days, I have household tasks that need to get done, and I am not always good about making time to sit and breathe.
This morning though, Max was getting up, and I was mostly awake, and I got up. I am so glad I did. I was able to workout (and blow off some of those overwhelmed/discouraged feelings), make my to-do list (which I really love doing, for some reason), and just be quiet for a few minutes. There wasn't much time before the kids were waking up, and hollering that they were "awake, mama!", but there was enough to fill me up for the day.
I don't know if I can commit to waking up early every day yet. For the last 10 days, Evie has gone back to waking up multiple, multiple times a night to eat. I don't know if she is hungry, going through a growth spurt, trying to figure the world, or what, but it's been hard on me (advice/suggestions about it are always welcome!). I like my sleep, and I was liking that she had somewhat of a night routine that only involved waking up once or twice. And I'll be so glad when she goes back to that.
I do know I am eager for when I can do it every day again. I like the mornings. I like the quiet. I like the soft morning light. I like the way the house feels, knowing I have sleeping babies upstairs. I like having a quiet time with Jesus.
For now, I'll take what I can get. I'll try to practice patience, as we continue to work through this figuring out of a routine with three kids. I'll do my best to listen to my body and sleep if I need to. I'll try to make myself some alone, quiet time somewhere else in my day, so I can stay sane and calm.
As for today, I am tired. And that is perfectly fine with me.
"Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I hath needed, Thy hand hath provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."
Chisholm & Runyan, 1923
(emphasis all mine)