Coffee Date on a Thursday.Thursday, April 26, 2012
I have a lot on my mind today. My brain is filled with thoughts, ideas, decisions to be made and things to get done. Wanna grab a cup of coffee - or a homemade iced vanilla chai with an handful of these rockstar peanut butter cookies - and sit down with me for a few minutes?
L's hand is doing great. I took her in Monday afternoon to see an Orthopedic Doctor, who showed us her X-rays, and decided to leave a soft splint on her hand. The swelling was still a bit high, and she felt more comfortable leaving that on, rather than trying to squeeze her little hand into a hard cast right now. The break was really "clean", meaning it won't need to be set, Praise the Lord, and basically just needs time to heal. We go back in the beginning of next week to check on the progress of the healing and the swelling, and then will decide whether to hard cast her hand or leave her in a splint. I definitely vote hard cast. A 2-year old, running around in a splint is not my favorite thing - it gets loose and the wrapping starts to come off at least 2 or 3 times a day, which means I get to re-wrap it. I don't mind, but I would have much better peace of mind, if I knew she had a hard cast that was a bit more "invincible"!
I have tons of pictures to share soon - no idea when that'll be, ha! - of our trip to the NC Zoo, of the remainder of B's visit to see us, and of some other random morning activities. I have been trying to get all the files copied off my laptop onto our new iMac, and it's taking me longer than I thought it would (not to mention, I don't always have time to work on it!). Once I finish that up, I can finally get my PhotoShop Elements on this computer, and have at it. It'll make sharing photos much easier!
Speaking of time, I have really been struggling with my time management lately. I feel like all I do these days is make food to feed the kids or change diapers or wash clothes or sweep the floor or get the dog off the couch or battle the kids at bedtime. It's frustrating, and there has been a definite lack of mama time lately. I am back to waking up with Max in the mornings. He leaves for work right before 6am, so I am supposedly able to have some time to myself before the kids wake up. Yeah right. The last week, they have been waking up anywhere between 615 and 630. Which is NOT normal around here. They used to sleep until at least 715! So that hour or so I used to get, I no longer get. Plus, trying to figure out nap times has been challenging. Some days, Ezzy seems ready for only one nap a day, and it works out perfect to coincide with L's nap. Meaning I get about 2 hours of my own time - to do some household chores or blog or shower. But some days, he is so crabby from waking up so early, that he goes back down for a nap in the morning, making the whole day off. Basically, I realize my problem is that we don't have a good routine right now, because we are trying to figure out what they need. And it's hard. I am trying to be flexible and work with them, but somedays I feel like I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. Ok, so MOST days I feel like I have no idea what I am doing!
Oh, and bedtime?! Remember a few months ago, when I shared our bedtime battle with L? We tried a few different things, and it got slightly better for a few weeks. But lately, we've been back to her getting out of bed 5-6 times after we put her to sleep, and she doesn't end up falling asleep until an hour after bedtime. I have no idea what to do about it, except keep being consistent and patient, which can be hard and feel exhausting at the end of the day. This leaves me about an hour to get any last-minute things done/make Max a lunch/clean up/etc before I am so tired I have to fall in bed, because we wake up early. Wow. Now, I feel slightly better... and slightly more whiney. Oh well. Just talking through some of my dilemma. Maybe somebody on the outside can look inside and see something I am missing - I think that was my reasoning behind sharing so much of that.
But, back to time. I feel like I rush around all day, trying to get things accomplished - trying to stay on top of diapers, and meals, and laundry, and playtime, and nap time, that by the end of the day, I am just exhausted and worn out, and I feel so unsatisfied, so discontent. This isn't what life should be about. I need to be soaking up my every moment - and right now, it's hard enough to enjoy each day. I've been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp (which is an awesome book, by the way...you should find a copy and dig in...), and just last week, read part of a chapter that was talking about time, and how we try so hard to beat time, to make more time in our day. But really, it's about living IN time, living in the moment, being fully present to what is going on, appreciating the small pieces of each moment that we are given. So often, I forget this, or get so wrapped up in trying to get to the next part of my day, that I miss out. I miss out on the little things, the small wonders, that are happening right under my nose. I think this is why I've been so discontent lately. Some days I get so wrapped up in where else I could be or what else I could be doing, and yet, God has me right here, with these two sweet little babes and one fine husband, for a reason, for a purpose bigger than myself.
It's easy to let myself wallow in feelings of inadequacy or doubt or fear - those come so naturally to me as a human - but I need to step back and see that God has given me exactly what I need right now. And that He has entrusted me with these two little babes. They aren't mine, they are His, and yet, I have been entrusted to be their mama - and I need to see what a precious gift that is, every moment of the day. I might get tired and frustrated and overwhelmed, but God is my ultimate strength, and He will give me exactly what I need to get through. Even on what seems to be the most mundane of days. It might not always be easy, and it certainly won't ever look like a picture-perfect magazine or super-cool Pinterest pin, but this life is ours, and it is most certainly beautiful, even in the challenging moments.
Ok, so those cookies I mentioned earlier?! I've just devoured more than a handful. Seriously, they are SO good, and so easy to make. I really like that they are soft and chewy, rather than hard and crunchy. If you like peanut butter, you HAVE to try them. Really.
19 weeks pregnant today with Baby #3. I've been working out most days of the week, and trying to watch what I eat - although sometimes those blasted cookies get the best of me. I think I am finally going to have to break down and buy a few new pairs of maternity shorts and pants. I've been wearing my regular jeans, but just this week, they've been super uncomfortable to button. Eh, well, they lasted a long time, right?!
My thoughts are slowing down now, probably because I just spewed a bunch of them out. Plus, I heard the dryer beep at me, reminding me that a load was dry. It's the baby clothes load - probably my least favorite chore of all - because they are smaller, you can fit more in, and it takes WAY longer to fold. Sometimes I try to trick Max into doing them - he dislikes that task too, but will do it for me because he loves me - but he's at work and there is always more laundry to put in, so I suppose I should get to it.
I finished my iced chai - it was amazing and probably is what is giving me that little boost of energy I feel all of a sudden! Oh yeah - and one last thing - this song has been playing in my head all week. I woke up this morning and it was in my head and caught me off guard - anyways, thought I would share. Hope y'all have a fantastic remainder of your Thursday. It's almost the weekend - you know what that means?! It's almost my birthday, woo-hoo!!!