On my heart: the disconnectMonday, August 19, 2013
Some days I honestly just feel discouraged and overwhelmed. Today is one of those days.
One of those days where the applesauce spilled from a toddler's hands and flew into unknown cracks and crevices in the kitchen.
One of those days where we got our electricity bill, and I then considered taking a 3am paper route or selling my eggs to make some extra cash.
One of those days where I was so excited to have Max come home after 36 hours, only to find out he had an after-school meeting, in the evening, and would miss bedtime once again.
One of those days where the baby was extra fussy and by the time it was bedtime, tears were streaming down my face as I nursed her, so unsure of what she needed.
One of those days where I forget that my body carried and birthed three beautiful babies, and instead I felt frumpy and saggy and pudding-bellied.
One of those days where the sun was shining outside, but inwardly I just felt gray and foggy and dreary.
And here's the thing - I know that these days will pass, and I know that these days happen to everyone, and I know that these days are just part of life. But sometimes there is a big disconnect between what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart.
Sometimes I just feel these feelings, and my heart is heavy, and life seems overwhelming. And it's hard and ugly and draining. But then I remind myself of what I know to be true and real. The head knowledge. That God is bigger and stronger and more than what I am feeling or going through. That though I feel incredibly weak and impatient and discouraged, God promises to be my strength and my joy and my peace. Even in the midst of trials and toddler spills and gray moments.
Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start, a clean slate. Tomorrow is a chance to connect the Truth in my head with the feelings in my heart. Tomorrow is a day for fighting discouragement, and instead, fill myself with encouragement and grace and Jesus.
Oh, and don't worry. There will definitely be coffee and bacon involved too.