Afternoon Coffee.Friday, July 13, 2012
I'm sitting here, sipping on some just-brewed coffee from the pot (with a little splash of milk and drop of homemade chocolate syrup...), sitting and enjoying a few quiet moments during nap time, before I need to keep trucking along on my to-do list. My theory is that if I take a few minutes to sit and read and be quiet, I'll find more motivation and energy to cross those little bullets off my list. And I really want to work on that list today and tomorrow, so that Max and I can enjoy a lazy Saturday evening, without feeling the need to work on projects around the house. See, good theory, right?! Maybe...or maybe I really just list crossing things off lists. That might be why I've added things like showering and making meals - because the satisfaction I get from crossing things off is just too much great. Yeah, I know, I'm crazy when it comes to those blasted lists...
Anyways, here I sit, sipping my coffee before it gets too cold. Care to join me for a few minutes? I can guarantee there are a million thoughts running through my head. After a week of being mostly with my two lovely babes, I am craving some adult company and conversation. The need to chatter away about my life, thoughts, struggles, and joys is somewhat high at the moment. Lucky for you, right?!
As I sit here, pondering where to begin, I can't help but think about that to-do list again. It seems rather long at the moment, probably because we'll be leaving for our trip to AZ next week, and I want to make sure things are in order. By the way, we are way excited for our trip. We haven't had a big, long, far-away family vacation in awhile, and I am really looking forward to time away from home, visiting my parents. Plus, there is a reunion to look forward to, yummy food, date nights, dry heat, and catching up with family & friends. I am interested (or slightly anxious?) to see how the kids do on the flights out, and dealing with the time change. Both of the babes have been on a plane before, and I know L is just plain excited - she'll watch a movie and keep occupied. But Ezzy? He is a mover. And being confined to his Daddy's lap for a long time could prove to be quite the adventure. I guess as long as we make it there in one piece and don't disrupt too many other passengers, we'll call it good!
It's hard to believe I am 30 weeks pregnant with Baby #3! Only a few more months and we'll be meeting our newest member of the family. Not gonna lie - I am way excited to find out if it's a boy or girl. Last week, I was dead set that it was a girl. I was dreaming about little girl babies and drooling over little sundresses and was calling her Baby Evie (ok, so may have just given one of our top names away...). But then this week? Something happened, don't know exactly what, but now I feel certain it's a boy growing and grooving in my belly. I suppose that's how the next 10ish weeks will go, this back-and-forth curiosity and "certainty"! I am just eager for the moment when s/he finally makes the grand appearance and Max is able to tell me what we are welcoming. Not that it'll make any difference. We are all so excited for this little one.
The other day, I was thinking about how much of a blessing it is that Max has been here for this pregnancy. He has never really been around for a pregnancy (or much of the newborn stage, for that matter...). He left for boot camp when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Eliana, only to be around after that for a handful of days before she was born. And with Ezra? We didn't even know I was pregnant again until a few months into his deployment, and he was gone the entire time, returning home for his R&R just 3 days before little Ezzy was born. So, for him to experience this entire pregnancy thing - from the finding out, to all the Doc visits, to the crazy pregnant lady hormones and antics, to feeling so much of the baby's movements - has been such a special experience for him and for me.
I know that man would tell you that he wants to have 7 babies (yes, seriously, he wants 7 children...), but the more and more this baby grows in my belly, and the closer we get to meeting Baby #3, the more content I feel with having 3 kids. I would have used to tell you that I could see us having 4 or 5 kids, and who knows...maybe we will, but I tell you...I am more and more at peace with this being the last little one we have. We'll see - only God knows for sure how big our family is meant to be.
The last few weeks have been rough on me. I know I've said it before, but it's true. I've struggled with keeping a good perspective. There were days I just wanted to hole up on the couch, order dinner in, and not do anything around the house. I wanted to let our situation get the best of me. Which is silly, because looking at all the little stuff that has gone on, I know that we are blessed, and that God has seen us through. That really, in the scheme of life, it's not that bad and that we truly have it so good. I've been really challenged lately to work on my perspective, and on being more focused on what we do have. To keep my mind on the things we are blessed with, rather than the little things that might be going wrong at the moment. Because, when I start to list them, to name them, there are so many blessings in our lives.
I've struggled to keep it all together, to feel like I am succeeding in being a wife and mama. I guess I can be too hard on myself, trying to do it all, to have it all together, to feel like I am making a difference. The other night, we were reading the story of Jesus feeding the thousands with two fish and five loaves of bread. In the story, it said that the disciples laughed at the meager amount of food the little boy offered up, saying that it wasn't enough and would never, could never feed all those people. But Jesus said it was enough. It was all the boy had, and it was enough. It may have been the pregnant hormones, but I started crying as I read the story out loud to the kids. What I have, who I am, it's enough. God can make the impossible happen. I may not feel like I have anything to give, but He is bigger, He is greater, and He can use the little that I have, to do miracles, to feed the masses. If I would just be like the little boy, and offer the little that I do have, God can make it so much more. I may get discouraged by situations, or look at others in comparison and feel inadequate, or think that I'll never be the mama I want to be or am meant to be, but God sees so much more than I do. And can do so much more with the little that I have. If I am willing to open my hands and offer what I have and who I am, He is able, and oh so much bigger than me.
See, I told you I would get chattering away and get lost in my rambling about life. Oh! Can I just say that I went shopping this week for a few new outfits (as my belly was running out of room, in a major way) and it's a wonder what a few new articles of clothing can do for a mama. I feel like a new woman - all because of a few new shirts and bottoms. Love it.
I hear a chattering Eliana on the monitor. I guess that means nap time is over. And my coffee is getting cold. I'll take that as my wrap-up...hope you have a lovely weekend.