Today is Tuesday.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Today is Tuesday.  And for whatever reason, today is a hard day.  Maybe it's because I am tired.  And pregnant.  And hormonal.  But today, so far, has not been a very good day.  I have felt incredibly lonely and discouraged.  The kids haven't been out-of-the-ordinary disobedient or naughty.  Max and I didn't have some big fight.  The dog hasn't even been that obnoxious or terribly smelly.  I just feel sad.  I don't know.

What I do know is that being a mama is hard.  It's messy and hard and oh-so-challenging.  It takes more patience than I ever knew.  It takes a certain strength that I so often feel I lack.  It takes a grace that does not come naturally.  Being a mama and taking care of little ones - not just taking care, but teaching and nurturing and growing and leading and raising - is hard.  And trying to keep up with all the other household duties and "grown-up" responsibilities can seem like a lot sometimes.  I definitely do not have it all together.  I just feel like a huge mess today.

You know, though, I think that's ok.  As much as today has been hard and frustrating and sad for me, it's a good reminder that it's ok to be a mess.  And that this mama thing isn't easy.  At all.  It's hard.  But it brings growth.  Not only to my kids.  But to me.  I am learning more than I realized I would learn.  Sometimes the learning is the hard, scary part.  And yet, it's always good in the end.  Learning and growing are so good for me.  I am being stretched and challenged and changed in ways I never expected.  And that's what turns the mess beautiful.  

I have had these great plans for sharing my adventures relating to having a healthy pregnancy, and sharing my newest thoughts and ideas on exercising and diet while pregnant.  And I will get to those.  In a few days or the next week.  But today - today, I just need to feel and share where I am at.  Even though it's not always pretty or tidy.

I am so thankful for grace today.  Even in, or maybe especially in, the midst of my messy learning processes, there is much grace for me.  As much as today has been hard, and I have been fighting the discouragement and loneliness that wants to pull me down, I know there is overwhelming grace.  And I can stand in the name of Jesus, in His great grace.  And just rest.  And be.  And feel.  And learn.

So, there you have it.  Me, real and raw, on a hard Tuesday.

You Might Also Like


  1. Oh Kaylee!!!! You are doing such a great job with those little girls, and keeping up with blogs and it's ok to be sad and cry and feel down and lonely. We are children inside ourselves and children are allowed to be cranky!!!!! You are amazing and even though I don't know you in person, I read your blogs and I follow you in FB because you are such an amazing mama/wife/friend and I'm sure you are so appreciated by your family and your friends! Keep it up girl and let those tears roll when you feel like it.

    Bug hugs from DC!!!!!!!

  2. It's ok to be a mess sometimes. We can't be perfect all the time, right? You're doing a great job no matter what!

  3. I'm so sorry it was a hard day! I hope that you know that even when we don't TALK every day, I THINK about you every day! Miss you so much and wish I was next door so we could have coffee and donuts on the hard days...or maybe even ice cream....or chili cheese dip. Oh great, now I'm hungry. ANYWAYS....I love you SO much and you are one of the most amazing moms I know. :)

  4. It's been awhile since I've blogged or followed blogs but I'm back. Congrats on #3 btw! Being a mom is by far the hardest job EVER! There is so much pressure to be a good mom because honestly you have no other choice. Failure is not an option. But the fact that you try day in and day out despite how you're feeling inside shows what a wonderful mom you are. Do not worry, you are not alone in how you feel. All mommies feel that way every now and then, sometimes a little more of the now rather than the then. But feeling that way shows how much effort you put into your family.

  5. I understand exactly what you mean. We have lots of days like this. I too am so thankful for grace! {{hugs}}

  6. Those days always circle around, and seem to get heavier with motherhood. I'm sorry I'm just now reading this, but I hope you're feeling better. You're right- that grace required for motherhood isn't a natural thing, but we learn and we get better, and our kids learn right along with us. :)



Popular Posts

Blog Archive