Today is Tuesday.Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Today is Tuesday. And for whatever reason, today is a hard day. Maybe it's because I am tired. And pregnant. And hormonal. But today, so far, has not been a very good day. I have felt incredibly lonely and discouraged. The kids haven't been out-of-the-ordinary disobedient or naughty. Max and I didn't have some big fight. The dog hasn't even been that obnoxious or terribly smelly. I just feel sad. I don't know.
What I do know is that being a mama is hard. It's messy and hard and oh-so-challenging. It takes more patience than I ever knew. It takes a certain strength that I so often feel I lack. It takes a grace that does not come naturally. Being a mama and taking care of little ones - not just taking care, but teaching and nurturing and growing and leading and raising - is hard. And trying to keep up with all the other household duties and "grown-up" responsibilities can seem like a lot sometimes. I definitely do not have it all together. I just feel like a huge mess today.
You know, though, I think that's ok. As much as today has been hard and frustrating and sad for me, it's a good reminder that it's ok to be a mess. And that this mama thing isn't easy. At all. It's hard. But it brings growth. Not only to my kids. But to me. I am learning more than I realized I would learn. Sometimes the learning is the hard, scary part. And yet, it's always good in the end. Learning and growing are so good for me. I am being stretched and challenged and changed in ways I never expected. And that's what turns the mess beautiful.
I have had these great plans for sharing my adventures relating to having a healthy pregnancy, and sharing my newest thoughts and ideas on exercising and diet while pregnant. And I will get to those. In a few days or the next week. But today - today, I just need to feel and share where I am at. Even though it's not always pretty or tidy.
I am so thankful for grace today. Even in, or maybe especially in, the midst of my messy learning processes, there is much grace for me. As much as today has been hard, and I have been fighting the discouragement and loneliness that wants to pull me down, I know there is overwhelming grace. And I can stand in the name of Jesus, in His great grace. And just rest. And be. And feel. And learn.
So, there you have it. Me, real and raw, on a hard Tuesday.