Dear friend,
I have no idea what deployment is like and don't trust myself to have nearly enough wisdom to give any advice on the wonderful and challenging time that you and Max are about to spend together. HOWEVER, I want you to know that one of my New Years resolutions (I guess you could call it) was to spend time each morning praying for someone other than myself (because I seemed to be my favorite thing to talk about). Anyway, you and Max come up nearly every day. I have been praying specifically for all those things you mentioned. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Also remember, the tough/crazy times are the time that we grow the most and we deepen our relationships with God and each other. We love you guys and you will continue to be a part of mine and Jesus' conversations for a long while to come...

Whew. I have such little advice for you. By the time Al and I live in the same house (let alone the same state,) we'll have been married for a year and together for over 3.

Plus, we don't have any kids to add to the mix.

But what I can offer is this: be patient with each other and be willing to adapt your communication style, the way you show and receive love and your daily routine together. You'll both do a lot of changing, which totally stinks. Just remember that you love each other and that you have two beautiful kids to love too. That will make the hard times easier.

Oh, and don't be afraid to take time for yourself. So many women think that because they were separated from their husband for so long, they shouldn't be able to take time apart. That's just wrong. Do something for you. Let him babysit and have a ladies night. Or just go get a massage and pedicure. It's OK to love yourself through the transition too!

How wonderfull that your Max will be coming home soon! I am so happy for you two, and I am sure that it will go great. Even though I am also sure that it will not be easy... :P
I am definately no expert on living with children, however I have lived with room mates or boyfriends since I was sixteen and know a thing or two about cohabitation.

No couple is the same, and you already seem to have an amazing communication going on between you, which I think is the most important thing to make cohabitation work. Talk a lot, about everything and nothing! :) This helps to avoid those small irriations and quarrels about little stupid things.

You've probably already heard the following tip one million times, but it deserves to be repeated over and over again, because it is great: NEVER to go bed angry! Some fighting and anger is normal and healthy, but try to always settle arguments and such before going to sleep. I always thank dav for the past day before we fall asleep, and that way, if we've had a hard time, it forces me to think about the things that were good and that I am thankfull for. It works miracles, haha! As soon as I start thinking about everything I am thankfull for I forget small irritations and quarrels.

Be flexible and be open to compromise! This has to work both ways however, if it's always one person who compromises it will make things hard.

As someone else already commented before me: take some Kaylee time once in a while, and give Max the possibility to do the same. You are two individuals as well as a couple and a family, try to balance it. It is so easy to get lost in other peoples wants and ideas that you forget about yourself and your needs. Might seem like you are "unselfish" and "caring" and "nice" at the time, but in the end the best way to be nice to others around you is to be nice to yourself. You only have one you, and if you let that one get lost everyone around you will suffer just as much as you.

I could go on forever, but hey, you must be getting tired of reading all these cheesy tips by now. However I will say one last thing, which I already know you are an expert at: LAUGH A LOT! Find time to joke and to see the humour in things! Some "catastrophes" are really quite funny when you try to see the funny side of them, try to laugh at things rather than stress and fight. Tickle each other often! Make jokes and little pranks! Tell each other stories! Watch funny movies! And hug often, it's the best thing in the world after all. haha.

I hope you get some use of this rambling comment, Im sure you're going to do great anyways, you are such an amazing person AND you two also have a great thing which Im sure will help: your faith in god. :)

Lots and lots of good wishes from us both here in Belgium. If you ever need help, encouragement or just a chat don't hesitate! What else are castmates for?! :P

/ my

Kaylee,

No wisdom, other than Biblical & thinking of fruit of the Spirit stuff - love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. Can't go wrong with those.

Also, while I'm not in your shoes, I think you both need to remember that you will have no idea of what Max has been through over the past year and Max will have no idea of what you've been through the past year. And that may be a tad bit frustrating at times for both of you.

Most of all, seek God's wisdom and will for your "re-adjustment" time together.

And, pray together, nothing more powerful than that - but I'm not telling you anything you don't already know!

Oh, and drink lots of coffee - either Peets or Dunkin Donuts!!!

love,
papa d aka babu

Kaylee,

Take things slow....I mean that look at it one day at a time. If the toilet seat is up and it bothers you tell him. But be nice about it. You both will snap and get on each others nerves and find out annoying stuff about each other, but it's all a process. Remember to breathe, and take it one day at a time. Talk about things and remember to take time just the two of you. That's important. Don't plan things, let them just happen or discuss as things come about. Don't expect him to know what chores or household duties have to be done. You'll fight, you'll cry and trust me, we've lived together for 2 years and still bump heads. But the most important thing is that you two love each other and will make it through together.

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I don't have any first hand experience either at having someone come home from deployment. BUT I do have a close friend who is married to a veteran and he is struggling with PTSD and severe depression. Not to alarm you or anything, but if any of that or other issues arise he's gotta seek help somewhere like a VA hospital. And I know you married a stubborn man, so if he won't get himself help in a situation like that MAKE him! It's for the good of your marriage and family. We pray for your family each and every night, nothing is too big for God.

As far as living together, don't stress the small stuff. I'm a neat freak. Alex is not. So when you walk into the bathroom and he's left his trimmer, attachments, lotion and beard remnants ALLLLLLLLLL over the bathroom sink just laugh. Or at least try to ;-)