Some hard decisions.
Friday, August 06, 2010I have a story to share. It's all still a little too fresh to know exactly how I feel. There are moments of anger, sadness and guilt. And although it felt like a hard decision, in the end, it was a quick decision, because we all agreed it was the best choice. Think what you will.
Let me re-enact the situation for you: A few mornings ago, I was in the kitchen, standing at the table, I could see L out of the corner of my eye. She was crawling towards the kitchen, towards me. The dog, Chloe, was lying in her path. Chloe, at 12 years old, had been having some trouble hearing L coming/crawling towards her, and if startled, would sometimes jump around and "react" at L. I had been aware of this, and usually, "warned" Chloe that L was coming, so that she would be ready and would not get startled. However, this particular time, my brain didn't register that L would startle her. L reached out to "pet" Chloe, coming up from behind. Not a grab, just simply a pat. Chloe freaked out. She jumped out, gave a warning growl, spun around and snapped at L. Yes, she snapped at L. L started crying, trying to get away, as I was rushing (I was only a few feet away). I scooped L up, shouted at Chloe and got her outside as fast as possible. I was furious. My anger only increased when I saw that the dog had made contact with L and had left two little scratches/super-small punctures. They weren't big enough to be overly concerned about or to take her in, but the idea that the dog had gotten her teeth on my baby made me SO angry. This mama was NOT happy - and this is a dog that I picked out, that I named, that I trained (however badly I trained her!!!) and who has been with us for years!
Chloe knew she had done a bad thing. She sulked and layed low the remainder of the day. My parents and I had a frank discussion (or not so much, we were all in agreement) that night at dinner. I had been thinking about what had happened all day long. And was freaked out. What if I had been further away? What if the dog had gotten L worse? Or gotten her in the eye? What if, what if? I realize that 'what if's' are silly and I can't play that game. But I realized that the dog couldn't be trusted anymore. She was too old and her hearing was too bad to catch when L was coming. And the fact that she would get so startled that she would snap at L just made me too nervous. We all agreed that it was best if the dog didn't live here anymore. This meant that it was time for Chloe to go meet Jesus. She has had ACL issues (she tore both her ACL's last year), psycho-storm issues, and other whacky quirky things for years. There was no way anyone would want such a crazy 12-year old dog with so many issues. Plus, she had "bitten" a person. Although a family pet, a part of our family, we knew it was the best thing.
Ok, I am rambling about all of this. Let me try to wrap it up. I took Chloe in this morning. It was hard. She has been a friend (however quacky she was) to us for over 12 years. I will miss her loud, obnoxious bark and her crazy antics (like when she would chase her tail in the mornings when she knew I would take her for a walk!) and how she would "talk" to us when we told her to be quiet. There is a slight guilt in my head, at having to have made that judgement upon her life, but to be honest, L is more important and we need to know that she will be safe in our house. And it is over, decision made and done. The house feels awfully quiet and coming home to no crazy dog was a strange feeling. So, in memory of our friend, Chloe, I took some pictures of her this morning, before we headed to the Vet.
I will remember her fondly in my heart for a long time to come. Good-bye Chloe.
5 comments
Sending you positive thoughts and love from a far xoxoxoxox you made the right decisions as hard as it was to make it - obviously these are just words and can't do much for you right now but here's some more love xoxoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteThat's a hard decision but it absolutely sounds like the right one. Sometimes you need to protect your family first. I'm sorry you had to go through this and I hope you have many memories to keep of Chloe.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry :( I can most definitely relate. We had a dog for many years before we had our son. He was temperamental towards kids, but we had assumed it was because of the fact that they snuck up on him or something of that manner. He had once snapped at my niece, but she was bouncing up and down on him. He had also snapped at the neighbor kids, but I had assumed it was because they came running into our yard. Fast forward to us having a baby. When my son was around 7 months old, he was creeping towards our dog when our dog snapped at him, didn't break skin but our son was hysterical. Just like Chloe, he immediately realized he was in the wrong. I remember the last time I saw him. He was sitting on my couch as we shut the front door. It still makes me sad. I realize that we made the best decision for our family and as sad as I'll always be about it, I know that we loved him and he loved us for that time.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. I know the exact way you feel about making such a decision as this. Feel free to email me or whatever if you want to talk about it. *Hugs*
*hugs* I'm sorry you had to make this decision.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. Sometimes you do have to make these decisions and even though they are hard, you know you did the best thing for your family. And you. Hugs.
ReplyDelete