I mentioned yesterday in my 12 in 2012. January Edition that I would elaborate on goal #2, which is titled weight loss and goes on to mention that I want to lose 25 pounds this year, by eating healthier and moving my body more.  Here is the basic background that you should know: I have typically been a pretty healthy person, and although my body fluctuated with 20 lbs of weight throughout high school and college years, I was overall quite happy about where I was at.  After being pregnant with L, and then having her, I quickly lost my pregnancy weight and was back into my jeans within weeks.  It wasn't until I drank a few too many pumpkin spice lattes and overindulged on serving sizes while pregnant with Z, that I gained a few too many pounds, which did NOT come off as quickly as after the first pregnancy.  I cut myself slack, knowing that I had just been pregnant for 2 years in a row, and that I had just given birth to a 10 lb, 2 oz baby boy, who made some changes to my stomach along the way.  I got back into the exercise and eating routine after he was born, and was slowly seeing progress and feeling good about it.

Until Max came home from his year-long deployment February 2011.  I stuck with my routine for awhile, but it quickly fell by the wayside as he requested lots of delicious desserts and I, unintentionally, started trying to eat as much as him.  The last year I gained weight, instead of losing it.  And as a result, I had lower self-confidence, couldn't fit into most of my clothes, and generally just didn't have energy.

I knew what I needed to do to lose weight, to feel better about my body and gain energy back.  I knew how to eat healthy and how to exercise.  I was simply lacking overall motivation, and was allowing food to be my comfort, in many situations.  Honestly, I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm stressed.  I like food and I like to eat.  And that's not the overall issue.  Food is good.  But the way I was allowing it to control me was not.  The overall issue is that I somehow lost (or never had?) my self-control and my ability to eat appropriate amounts for my body.

And last month, I knew that I had to make a change.  I wanted to lose weight.  Not just to be thinner (although that is definitely something I look forward to), but to be healthier, to have more energy, to gain back a sense of confidence in my body.  And also, I wanted to work on my eating habits, so I can be a good example to my babies.  I want them to view food as good, but not as something that controls them or as the thing they run to when they are seeking some sort of comfort - I pray that they (and I!) would learn that only comes from God.

So, I made my goal #2 for this year.  To lose (at least!) 25 pounds.  By eating healthier and moving more.  I signed up for MyFitnessPal last year, and am diligently using it to count calories, as well as how much I exercise each week.  I joined a 30 Day Shred challenge for the month of January and finished day 13 today.  I read through Body for Life for Women and gained some good tools, nutrition and eating tips, and exercise suggestions.  I have cut out most junk foods and white flour, white sugar and white rice - leaving lots of room for lean proteins, smart carbs, tons of veggies and fruit.  And am trying to eat smaller meals with small snacks between, to keep my body energized, as well as try to prevent getting so hungry that I overeat.  I know from past experiences that if I have too strict of a plan, I tend to then binge or crave that which I can't have - like chocolate or a piece of cake.  So I allow myself room to indulge once in awhile.

It's been almost 2 weeks of trucking along, which really isn't that long, I know.  But I am proud of myself for how much I have already accomplished.  I've stuck with my plan so far, and have noticed much more energy and even more confidence in my body.  It's not always easy to get up each morning with Max (although we all know I have done it for months!) and work out right away, but once I am done, I feel so good (even though my muscles are often super sore!) the rest of the day.  My moods have been better and I've really been working on sifting through the thoughts in my head - deciphering when I am really hungry vs when I just want food because of emotions - and then trying my best to figure out how I can turn away from emotional eating.  I have already lost 6 pounds and 5 inches, and am eager to see my body continue to change as I keep up with the 30DS challenge.

I know I have a lot of work ahead of me and that it won't always be easy or seem fun to make the healthy choice, but I want to change my habits and I want to feel better about myself.  I wanted to explain goal #2 in longer detail, because I know part of my problem is lack of accountability.  I try, so often, to do things on my own, weight-loss included.  That is part of the reason why I like MyFitnessPal and the 30DS challenge - knowing that there are other people waiting to see my results really pushes me to get my workout in, and to make those healthy eating choices throughout my day.

I blog because I enjoy sharing my life with others.  And I strive to be real and transparent.  To not talk about my struggle with weight and self-confidence would be against those things.  So, I am sharing, even though, frankly, it's hard for me.  And I am going to continue to share, as well as update from time to time. Knowing I have a space to share my progress, with the ups and the downs, gives me a greater motivation to continue striving for the results I am looking for.

So, there you have it.  Elaborate detail of goal #2: lose weight.